Chapter 3: The Empty Woman

I've started reading a book called "When a Woman Meets Jesus" and have decided to blog my process through it. There are “Exploration” and “Inspiration” questions on each “woman” that is being studied. I want this study to really be a candid look into my life and feel like blogging will help keep me accountable in this reading and to get the most from this book. I'd love to hear your thoughts. So email me at lisadavis714@gmail.com.

Questions taken from When a Woman Meets Jesus Chapter 3

Exploration of “The Broken Woman”

1.      What event in my life has left me feeling empty?

I feel bad saying this, but probably the biggest event was my wedding day.  After months of planning, prep work, and fittings it was all over in a few short hours.  I didn't get the pictures at the park I wanted.  I had to go shop for a new bridesmaid dress that morning so I didn't get the time to relax and reflect of my old and new life like I wanted. 

2.      How did this event affect my life?

For months I wished I could do it again.  I literally would wake up in the middle of the night crying.  I couldn't escape the empty feeling that was inside.  I was blind to the blessing lying beside me.

3.      What have I tried to do to feel “filled up” again?

I had hope time would heal the pain.  But it didn't.  I didn't think I could do anything because I couldn't go back in time.  But looking back on things now, I think even if I could I’d still come out feeling the same.  In this case I think that there is too much pressure on having the perfect wedding.

4.      What have been the results of my efforts?

My efforts failed every time.  I couldn't get back the things I missed.  Yet that’s not the end of the story.  God intervened.  I forgot to bring my marriage license to visit Jordan and my houses for Christmas because I hadn't changed my name yet because of some weird circumstance surrounding my car but I booked my plane ticket as Lisa Davis.  We went to the Register of Deeds and on the way back home I asked if he wanted to go back by the church, it is one of two ways of getting back to my house.  I wasn't sure what made me ask.  I thought about it on the way going to the Register of Deeds but didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back by there.  I thought it might bring back all the things I wish I would have done for our wedding.  On the way home the same thoughts occurred, yet the question spilled out of my mouth.  Jordan wanted to and so we did.  When we pulled up to the church a huge weight was lifted from me.  I realized that I had been silly! None of it mattered!  My eyes were opened to the man sitting next to me in the car.  He wasn't the person I had been dating for almost five years; he was my husband, the man God had given to me eleven months before.  Nothing else matters.  Sure, the things that I had wanted in my wedding would have been nice and fun, but they don’t matter to me anymore.  I no longer feel empty.

Inspiration for “The Broken Woman”

1.      What lessons have I learned from Anna’s solution to the emptiness of her life?

That 23 years is nothing compared to the over 100 years she lived and the 84 years of widowhood she lived!  I think it reinforced something I said the first day; that God will us the things that break us to help others and fulfill His purpose.  It reminds me to be optimistic and lean on Him.  To trust Him--to seek Him.  She could have fallen back and hated God, but she chose to follow His will and trust Him.  She teaches me to trust God and know that the answer to my “whys” will be answered…in due time…maybe even after 84 years of being a widow. 

2.      What can I do that would make it possible for me to wait as long as Anna did to have my empty arms filled?

I think the only true answer to that is to be in an intimate and intentional relationship with God and to realize that His will was done.  Even if it does not match with my will.  I think the root of emptiness is desiring your will over God’s. 

3.      How and for whom can I extend my open arms and loving heart?

I think I can for anyone.  Compassion isn't a struggle of mine.  Giving is one of my spiritual gifts.  I want to be there for people.  I want to love them and provide for them.  I want to help people who feel empty because they need to know the fullness Christ can provide them. 

4.      What empty place in my life would I like to have God fill?

I guess the one emptiness that didn't quite come to mind before, my wedding came straight to mind because of the transformation that has been made in my life the past month, is my little girl in Thailand.  I held her for only about an hour in an orphanage when I went there on a mission trip in high school.  She was missing her pinky finger, yet I love her unlike anyone else I ever have.  She taught me so much about God and His love even though she probably wasn't even two years old yet.  I couldn't’ get her picture (it wasn't allowed) or her name.  All I had was that hour.  How I've longed to find her and lover her.  I believe she is the reason I want to adopt.  I also believe God used her to set me on a path of ministry.  If I could have God fulfill any emptiness in my life it would be to find her and tell her what she has done for me and what Christ could do for her.  If that is too much to ask, I pray that God would bring someone else to her to tell her the good news about Him.  I also ask that God would allow Jordan and me to adopt our own children and foster others who need to know that there is a God who loves them.