Chapter 2: The Flawed Woman

I should have explained what I was doing yesterday, but forgot to. So here is an explanation of whiy I am blogging through this book. I've started reading a book called "When a Woman Meets Jesus" and have decided to blog my process through it. There are “Exploration” and “Inspiration” questions on each “woman” that is being studied. I want this study to really be a candid look into my life and feel like blogging will help keep me accountable in this reading and to get the most from this book. I'd love to hear your thoughts. So email me at lisadavis714@gmail.com.

Questions taken from When a Woman Meets Jesus Chapter 2

Exploration of “The Flawed Woman”

1.      How do I define the word perfect?

I’m not quite sure if I can.   Just the word alone seems untouchable.  Yet, to me, perfect is to be without flaws, beautiful, something you wouldn’t have any other way.

2.      Based on my definition of perfection, I find myself aspiring to be perfect in what area(s) of my life?  Why?  In what area(s) of my life have I achieved, or at least come close to achieving, what I believe to be “perfection”?

Right now I think I find myself striving to be perfect in one way because it would encompass, I believe, all other parts of my life.  I always tell Jordan I want to be the perfect wife.  I think right now that is all I truly aspire to be.  I am sure when I have children I will aspire to be the perfect mom.  I think I aspire to be the “perfect wife” because subconsciously I don’t want him or others to think he’s made a mistake, like I am unworthy of his love.  I think there is also a selfish part of me, too, that wants others to believe I’m perfect, like, if I could fool others I could fool myself. 

3.      In what area(s) have I failed the most?

Keeping up with friends, keeping the house free of clutter, trying to look and feel beautiful.

4.      How does this affect the way I think about myself?

It greatly impacts me.  I want to be a cute, easy going girl, yet I find myself not feeling comfortable.

5.      What qualities would I include on a list describing the “perfect” woman?

Beautiful, kind, compassionate, just, can cook and clean, artistic or crafty, never late, brightens up a room, independent yet welcomes help, can take care of her family, trust worthy, respected, wise, people seek her friendship and advice, dresses fashionably and modestly, seeks God with her whole heart, a confidant, hopeful, can stand on faith, confident in the things she does, the Proverbs 31 woman. 

6.      What qualities would I include on a list describing the “perfect” mother?

I think she must incorporate the things above, yet be transparent in her mistakes.  It’s ok to have made mistakes, but these should become lesson points to her children and encourage them to not make the same mistakes. 

Inspiration for “The Flawed Woman”

1.      After getting acquainted with Mary [the mother of Christ], in what ways has my view of perfection changed?

I’m not sure if my view has really changed.  It’s encouraging to be reminded that even Mary wasn’t perfect, but it makes me wonder how much more flawed I must be.  I know that God would never have chosen me if He were to have sent Jesus today.  And I wonder what made her the perfect vessel to carry God’s Son. 

2.      What qualities made Mary a perfect mother?

I don’t think she was.  She left Jesus in the temple when He was but a boy, she selfishly wanted Him to come with her and leave His ministry for a time being.  Yet when Jesus hurt, she hurt and she treasured the memories and hid them deep in her heart.  It couldn’t have been easy for her.  The pressure she must have felt constantly.  Yet she was able to stand up to it.

3.      What do the biblical words in Matthew 5:48, “Be ye perfect,” mean to me?

Here Jesus is preaching a message of love to the people; to love your enemies to be more specific.  Yet the very next verse opens chapter six and it is about making sure your charitable deeds are not done just so others might see.  I think the two go hand-in-hand.  Perfection isn’t about the things you do or how well you do them, but rather where your heart is in the things you do.  Are you trying to honor yourself, others, or God?  Because ultimately you can’t serve two masters.  We should strive to be like God for He truly is the only perfect Being.

Closing 

The chapter closed by giving three lessons about perfection with three questions to go along.  They were:

1.      I am not perfect because of what I have.  I am perfect because of what he gives. Read Mark 10:45.  How can I serve?

2.      I am not perfect because of what I do.  I am perfect because of what he does. Read Psalm 138:8.  What area of my life do I want God to keep working on?

3.      I’m not perfect because of who I am.  I am perfect because of who he is.  Read John 8:12.  How can his light shine through me?

First I think the best way to serve Him is to live out my daily life to honor and glorify Him and standing up for the things He would stand up for, even if it is not always the most popular thing to do.  I must also be open to the call He has placed in my life and be ready to go where He sends me.  This is a day to day process.  It doesn’t mean moving or going on a mission trip.  It’s a part of life.  I want God to continue working on me wholly.  None of me is perfect, so He can have it all!  I hope His light shines through me every day in all that I do.  I hope He is evident in my life.  

Chapter 1: The Broken Woman

Questions taken from When a Woman Meets Jesus Chapter 1

Exploration of “The Broken Woman”

1. Is there a part of my life that is broken?

--Emotionally?  I do feel broken emotionally, but I feel that my brokenness also straddles feeling insecure.  There are so many things I’ve desired and never gotten, my mind gets so tangled in these things that I forget to look at my blessings and feel insecure about my future.  I miss having girlfriends around me who understand who and where I am.  I think I really took this for granted in high school and college, especially in college. 

--Spiritually?  I also feel broken in this way and I think that is why I started reading this book again (I started it a few years back while in school, but had to stop when it got too close to finals and never started it again).  I desire a deeper relationship with God.  I want to get more out of my Quiet Time with Him.  And I must admit, I need to work on my praying.  It’s such a hard thing for me to do some times, even when I know I ought to.

--Physically?  Yes, again.  For a year now I have been fighting an overwhelming tiredness that crept in suddenly.  I also feel broken because of my IBS and stomach ulcer.  I can’t eat the things I wish and haven’t exercised like I should or want to. 

2.  How long have I felt broken?

I think in some way or another I have felt broken all my life.  I have always known that I was born into a fallen world and have felt the consequences. 

3. What have I tried to do to heal my brokenness?

Try to forget, make myself busy, day dream, put others down or judge, rely on other people to make me feel better.

4.   What do I believe will heal my brokenness?

Christ alone

5.  Has my search for love healed the brokenness I feel?

No.  Being married has taught me a lot about love and the way Christ loves me, but though I love Jordan and he loves me, no human love can heal the complete void inside.  Relying on human love to fix the brokenness inside is like fixing a flower pot with Elmer’s glue and expecting it to weather the storms.  It may make the pot stay together for a little bit, but it will soon dissolve and be as broken as before.  Relying on human love may satisfy us for a while, but if it is our sole means of healing and feeling worth, we will find that it will come up short every time. 

6.  Do I feel loved just as I am—right now?

There is no doubt that I am loved by others.  Trying to get past my own brokenness and truly love myself is something all together different. 

Inspiration for “The Broken Woman”

1.  What does it mean to be formed by God?

To me this means that He took His time in creating me.  He had a vision in His head of who I would be and molded me specifically and perfectly to that image.  If He formed me that must mean I am not an accident; I have purpose.

2.   Knowing I am formed by God, how does that make me feel?

I’m going to be really honest with this.  It should make me feel great and worthy, but often it leaves me with questions like: Why did He form me with big hands and feet?  Why won’t my hair curl or wave?  Why do I have a big nose?  Why, why, why…I have many more.  And the ones I just gave are the surface questions.  I can’t explain or give a reason to these things, but  I know I was designed this way by God for a reason.  

3.  How does this knowledge affect the way I think about myself when I feel broken?

To be honest again, when I feel broken I often forget that I have been formed by God.  I forget that He has a purpose and plan for everything, even my faults.  As Anne says in Anne of Green Gables “I am in the depths of despair” and it seems like nothing can get me out.  This is why I need God so much more in my life.  I must rely on Him.  A better way of saying that is I must learn to rely on Him for everything.

4.  What do these words mean to me: “He who made you, who formed you in the womb” (Isa. 44:2 NIV)?

Like I said, this makes me feel there is a reason I have been made this way.  I have a purpose.  I am unique.  There is no one else who is me or can be me.  This thought has become a comfort to me since changing my name from the unique “Lisa Kahl” to the more common “Lisa Davis.”  It might seem trivial, but I know other Lisa Davises and in my brokenness I couldn’t get past it.  Yet, I’m slowly learning that I am the only one God has made this way and that I will always be unique for He has called me by name.  I am His (Isa. 43:1).

5.    In what ways do I believe God can bring healing to the broken places in my life?

I don’t like this question because I don’t know the mind of God.  I don’t know the things that He will decide to heal and the things that He will allow to stay.  Paul asked God to take away the thorn in His side and God never did.  The broken things in our lives help us create character and become the person God has created us to be (if you want a good book on this subject I’d recommend To Be Told by Dan Allender).  For His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses (2 Cor. 12:9), that means in our brokenness .  I believe, when my character is formed to His liking He will take away my thorns, I won’t care about them anymore, or He will use those things to help others in ways I wouldn't be able to do otherwise.