Chapter 5: The Unfulfilled Woman

I've started reading a book called "When a Woman Meets Jesus" and have decided to blog my process through it. There are “Exploration” and “Inspiration” questions on each “woman” that is being studied. I want this study to really be a candid look into my life and feel like blogging will help keep me accountable in this reading and to get the most from this book. I'd love to hear your thoughts. So email me at lisadavis714@gmail.com.

Questions taken from When a Woman Meets Jesus Chapter 5

Exploration of “The Unfulfilled Woman”

1.      What is my dream?

What a wonderfully hard question!  Like I mentioned in a previous blog I really want to find the little girl from the orphanage in Thailand.  Along with this I really want to be able to adopt as well as have a few kiddos of my own.  I'd like to pay off all of our student loans fast, buy a fixer upper house and turn it into our “house of dreams.” I want to be a stay at home mom, travel the world, have money that I could do whatever I wished with.  And eventually I want to help and start a home for unwed mothers.

2.      How have I attempted to fulfill this dream?

I haven’t been able to do much of any of this.  We've been paying on our loans, but that is a very slow process.  I don’t think we are going to adopt until we have gotten out of debt.  I don’t think we will buy a house until we get out of debt either.  I’ve done a lot of traveling, but I’m never satisfied.  The more places I go the more I want to see.  That all costs money.  I hope I will be able to be a stay-at-home mom.  That’s one of the reasons we don’t want to start a family quite yet.  We want to figure things out first.  I wish we would be out of debt when we started a family, but I don’t think we will wait that long.  I also did a report for a business class in college on a house for unwed mothers.  That might be a starting point for my house one day. 

3.      What do I think would bring me the fulfillment I want?

I think when we have a family that will bring me more fulfillment then what I have now.  I may wish for the rest of the things still, but I would never trade away my family.  Ultimately God is the only true fulfillment, yet we should never believe that we know Him well enough and we should continue to seek His will for our lives.  That is the only way we will find fulfillment.  Everything else will leave us feeling empty.

4.      What things am I hanging on to, hoping I can use them to get what I want?

I’m not sure what this really means other than the memory of my little girl in Thailand and my college report.

Inspiration for “The Unfulfilled Woman”

1.      If I had been Joanna, what need in my life would I ask God to fill?

The need for security.  I want to know everything is ok.  Yet I worry too much about money, making ends meet, and our future.

2.      Are there “things” in my life that are holding me back from fulfilling God’s destiny for me?

Money, like I said, is a huge struggle for me, yet giving is one of my biggest spiritual gifts, what an irony!  Because of my fear of money and wanting the best future for our family, I struggle with the desire of wanting to be a stay at home mom.  There is nothing more I want in the world, but at the same time I want us to live comfortable lives, get out of debt fast, save for the future, make sure we can do the things we want to comfortably, help our kids pay for college….

3.      What do I think is God’s purpose for my life?

I’m still trying to figure this out.  God has given me a ton of passions and convictions and I’m trying to discern His full purpose in my life.  I’m still young, so I still have my whole life ahead of me, yet I don’t want to waste any of it either.    

4.      Have I accepted his purpose for my life?  Why or why not?

I think I will, once I know what I’m to do.

Chapter 4: The Rejected Woman

I've started reading a book called "When a Woman Meets Jesus" and have decided to blog my process through it. There are “Exploration” and “Inspiration” questions on each “woman” that is being studied. I want this study to really be a candid look into my life and feel like blogging will help keep me accountable in this reading and to get the most from this book. I'd love to hear your thoughts. So email me at lisadavis714@gmail.com.

Questions taken from When a Woman Meets Jesus Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The Rejected Woman

Exploration of “The Rejected Woman”

1.      Is there an experience in my life that left me feeling rejected?

There have been many!  When you find out that the boy you like didn't like you back, when you didn't get the job you thought you wanted, when you enter a contest and don't win...I've had all of these and more!

2.      Did a person reject me?  Who was that person, and how did that experience make me feel?

It took a while to “get” Jordan and a few times I felt he rejected me.  These did not make me feel good.  I remember there was also some confusion because a guy (who Jordan didn't care for) asked him if he liked me.  Jordan told the guy no, and he told my friend, who told me.  Needless to say I felt really rejected.  We talked all the time, hung out together a lot, and I had thought there was more between us.  What I didn't know was that he did like me, but he didn't trust the guy and didn't want it to get out yet.  

3.      How would I feel if I knew someone really cared for me?

This isn't a fair question or a loaded question.  I've always known that people cared for me, but I desired a different love.  A love that God didn't think I was ready for.  He knew that if I had that "love" or infatuation sooner it would not be good for me because I would rely on that person rather than on Him. It took someone time, rejection, and heart break, but in the end 100% worth it!  

4.      To whom do I feel I belong?

Jordan and still my parents.  I know that God is the right answer too, but as I have admitted before pray can be a challenge for me and sometimes it’s hard to truly believe it when you can’t feel Him or when He’s said no or later. 

Inspiration for “The Rejected Woman”

1.      If I had been the woman at the well, how would I have responded to Jesus’ request for a favor?

I would have thought “What the heck?!”    He really shouldn't have even been there!  I would have hated how I would have conceived His entitlement of me serving Him when He shouldn't even be there. The hatred between the groups of people were great. Next I would have wondered what His agenda was.  Did He want favors?  Did He want to take advantage of me?  Why was He here?

2.      What lessons can I learn from the woman at the well?

It’s ok to ask questions and be skeptical, in due time God will reveal Himself to you.  It doesn't matter what you've done, God will always love you.  It doesn't matter how rejected you've been there is always a place for you with Jesus.  He loves you.

3.      How can I accept Jesus’s invitation to be a part of His family?

Be in relationship with Him and surround myself with other Christians while reaching out to others.  I need to also work on my prayer life.

4.      How do I feel knowing Jesus invites me to eat at his table with the rest of his family?

Awesome!  I love to eat and I love dinner parties!

Chapter 3: The Empty Woman

I've started reading a book called "When a Woman Meets Jesus" and have decided to blog my process through it. There are “Exploration” and “Inspiration” questions on each “woman” that is being studied. I want this study to really be a candid look into my life and feel like blogging will help keep me accountable in this reading and to get the most from this book. I'd love to hear your thoughts. So email me at lisadavis714@gmail.com.

Questions taken from When a Woman Meets Jesus Chapter 3

Exploration of “The Broken Woman”

1.      What event in my life has left me feeling empty?

I feel bad saying this, but probably the biggest event was my wedding day.  After months of planning, prep work, and fittings it was all over in a few short hours.  I didn't get the pictures at the park I wanted.  I had to go shop for a new bridesmaid dress that morning so I didn't get the time to relax and reflect of my old and new life like I wanted. 

2.      How did this event affect my life?

For months I wished I could do it again.  I literally would wake up in the middle of the night crying.  I couldn't escape the empty feeling that was inside.  I was blind to the blessing lying beside me.

3.      What have I tried to do to feel “filled up” again?

I had hope time would heal the pain.  But it didn't.  I didn't think I could do anything because I couldn't go back in time.  But looking back on things now, I think even if I could I’d still come out feeling the same.  In this case I think that there is too much pressure on having the perfect wedding.

4.      What have been the results of my efforts?

My efforts failed every time.  I couldn't get back the things I missed.  Yet that’s not the end of the story.  God intervened.  I forgot to bring my marriage license to visit Jordan and my houses for Christmas because I hadn't changed my name yet because of some weird circumstance surrounding my car but I booked my plane ticket as Lisa Davis.  We went to the Register of Deeds and on the way back home I asked if he wanted to go back by the church, it is one of two ways of getting back to my house.  I wasn't sure what made me ask.  I thought about it on the way going to the Register of Deeds but didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back by there.  I thought it might bring back all the things I wish I would have done for our wedding.  On the way home the same thoughts occurred, yet the question spilled out of my mouth.  Jordan wanted to and so we did.  When we pulled up to the church a huge weight was lifted from me.  I realized that I had been silly! None of it mattered!  My eyes were opened to the man sitting next to me in the car.  He wasn't the person I had been dating for almost five years; he was my husband, the man God had given to me eleven months before.  Nothing else matters.  Sure, the things that I had wanted in my wedding would have been nice and fun, but they don’t matter to me anymore.  I no longer feel empty.

Inspiration for “The Broken Woman”

1.      What lessons have I learned from Anna’s solution to the emptiness of her life?

That 23 years is nothing compared to the over 100 years she lived and the 84 years of widowhood she lived!  I think it reinforced something I said the first day; that God will us the things that break us to help others and fulfill His purpose.  It reminds me to be optimistic and lean on Him.  To trust Him--to seek Him.  She could have fallen back and hated God, but she chose to follow His will and trust Him.  She teaches me to trust God and know that the answer to my “whys” will be answered…in due time…maybe even after 84 years of being a widow. 

2.      What can I do that would make it possible for me to wait as long as Anna did to have my empty arms filled?

I think the only true answer to that is to be in an intimate and intentional relationship with God and to realize that His will was done.  Even if it does not match with my will.  I think the root of emptiness is desiring your will over God’s. 

3.      How and for whom can I extend my open arms and loving heart?

I think I can for anyone.  Compassion isn't a struggle of mine.  Giving is one of my spiritual gifts.  I want to be there for people.  I want to love them and provide for them.  I want to help people who feel empty because they need to know the fullness Christ can provide them. 

4.      What empty place in my life would I like to have God fill?

I guess the one emptiness that didn't quite come to mind before, my wedding came straight to mind because of the transformation that has been made in my life the past month, is my little girl in Thailand.  I held her for only about an hour in an orphanage when I went there on a mission trip in high school.  She was missing her pinky finger, yet I love her unlike anyone else I ever have.  She taught me so much about God and His love even though she probably wasn't even two years old yet.  I couldn't’ get her picture (it wasn't allowed) or her name.  All I had was that hour.  How I've longed to find her and lover her.  I believe she is the reason I want to adopt.  I also believe God used her to set me on a path of ministry.  If I could have God fulfill any emptiness in my life it would be to find her and tell her what she has done for me and what Christ could do for her.  If that is too much to ask, I pray that God would bring someone else to her to tell her the good news about Him.  I also ask that God would allow Jordan and me to adopt our own children and foster others who need to know that there is a God who loves them.  

Chapter 2: The Flawed Woman

I should have explained what I was doing yesterday, but forgot to. So here is an explanation of whiy I am blogging through this book. I've started reading a book called "When a Woman Meets Jesus" and have decided to blog my process through it. There are “Exploration” and “Inspiration” questions on each “woman” that is being studied. I want this study to really be a candid look into my life and feel like blogging will help keep me accountable in this reading and to get the most from this book. I'd love to hear your thoughts. So email me at lisadavis714@gmail.com.

Questions taken from When a Woman Meets Jesus Chapter 2

Exploration of “The Flawed Woman”

1.      How do I define the word perfect?

I’m not quite sure if I can.   Just the word alone seems untouchable.  Yet, to me, perfect is to be without flaws, beautiful, something you wouldn’t have any other way.

2.      Based on my definition of perfection, I find myself aspiring to be perfect in what area(s) of my life?  Why?  In what area(s) of my life have I achieved, or at least come close to achieving, what I believe to be “perfection”?

Right now I think I find myself striving to be perfect in one way because it would encompass, I believe, all other parts of my life.  I always tell Jordan I want to be the perfect wife.  I think right now that is all I truly aspire to be.  I am sure when I have children I will aspire to be the perfect mom.  I think I aspire to be the “perfect wife” because subconsciously I don’t want him or others to think he’s made a mistake, like I am unworthy of his love.  I think there is also a selfish part of me, too, that wants others to believe I’m perfect, like, if I could fool others I could fool myself. 

3.      In what area(s) have I failed the most?

Keeping up with friends, keeping the house free of clutter, trying to look and feel beautiful.

4.      How does this affect the way I think about myself?

It greatly impacts me.  I want to be a cute, easy going girl, yet I find myself not feeling comfortable.

5.      What qualities would I include on a list describing the “perfect” woman?

Beautiful, kind, compassionate, just, can cook and clean, artistic or crafty, never late, brightens up a room, independent yet welcomes help, can take care of her family, trust worthy, respected, wise, people seek her friendship and advice, dresses fashionably and modestly, seeks God with her whole heart, a confidant, hopeful, can stand on faith, confident in the things she does, the Proverbs 31 woman. 

6.      What qualities would I include on a list describing the “perfect” mother?

I think she must incorporate the things above, yet be transparent in her mistakes.  It’s ok to have made mistakes, but these should become lesson points to her children and encourage them to not make the same mistakes. 

Inspiration for “The Flawed Woman”

1.      After getting acquainted with Mary [the mother of Christ], in what ways has my view of perfection changed?

I’m not sure if my view has really changed.  It’s encouraging to be reminded that even Mary wasn’t perfect, but it makes me wonder how much more flawed I must be.  I know that God would never have chosen me if He were to have sent Jesus today.  And I wonder what made her the perfect vessel to carry God’s Son. 

2.      What qualities made Mary a perfect mother?

I don’t think she was.  She left Jesus in the temple when He was but a boy, she selfishly wanted Him to come with her and leave His ministry for a time being.  Yet when Jesus hurt, she hurt and she treasured the memories and hid them deep in her heart.  It couldn’t have been easy for her.  The pressure she must have felt constantly.  Yet she was able to stand up to it.

3.      What do the biblical words in Matthew 5:48, “Be ye perfect,” mean to me?

Here Jesus is preaching a message of love to the people; to love your enemies to be more specific.  Yet the very next verse opens chapter six and it is about making sure your charitable deeds are not done just so others might see.  I think the two go hand-in-hand.  Perfection isn’t about the things you do or how well you do them, but rather where your heart is in the things you do.  Are you trying to honor yourself, others, or God?  Because ultimately you can’t serve two masters.  We should strive to be like God for He truly is the only perfect Being.

Closing 

The chapter closed by giving three lessons about perfection with three questions to go along.  They were:

1.      I am not perfect because of what I have.  I am perfect because of what he gives. Read Mark 10:45.  How can I serve?

2.      I am not perfect because of what I do.  I am perfect because of what he does. Read Psalm 138:8.  What area of my life do I want God to keep working on?

3.      I’m not perfect because of who I am.  I am perfect because of who he is.  Read John 8:12.  How can his light shine through me?

First I think the best way to serve Him is to live out my daily life to honor and glorify Him and standing up for the things He would stand up for, even if it is not always the most popular thing to do.  I must also be open to the call He has placed in my life and be ready to go where He sends me.  This is a day to day process.  It doesn’t mean moving or going on a mission trip.  It’s a part of life.  I want God to continue working on me wholly.  None of me is perfect, so He can have it all!  I hope His light shines through me every day in all that I do.  I hope He is evident in my life.  

Chapter 1: The Broken Woman

Questions taken from When a Woman Meets Jesus Chapter 1

Exploration of “The Broken Woman”

1. Is there a part of my life that is broken?

--Emotionally?  I do feel broken emotionally, but I feel that my brokenness also straddles feeling insecure.  There are so many things I’ve desired and never gotten, my mind gets so tangled in these things that I forget to look at my blessings and feel insecure about my future.  I miss having girlfriends around me who understand who and where I am.  I think I really took this for granted in high school and college, especially in college. 

--Spiritually?  I also feel broken in this way and I think that is why I started reading this book again (I started it a few years back while in school, but had to stop when it got too close to finals and never started it again).  I desire a deeper relationship with God.  I want to get more out of my Quiet Time with Him.  And I must admit, I need to work on my praying.  It’s such a hard thing for me to do some times, even when I know I ought to.

--Physically?  Yes, again.  For a year now I have been fighting an overwhelming tiredness that crept in suddenly.  I also feel broken because of my IBS and stomach ulcer.  I can’t eat the things I wish and haven’t exercised like I should or want to. 

2.  How long have I felt broken?

I think in some way or another I have felt broken all my life.  I have always known that I was born into a fallen world and have felt the consequences. 

3. What have I tried to do to heal my brokenness?

Try to forget, make myself busy, day dream, put others down or judge, rely on other people to make me feel better.

4.   What do I believe will heal my brokenness?

Christ alone

5.  Has my search for love healed the brokenness I feel?

No.  Being married has taught me a lot about love and the way Christ loves me, but though I love Jordan and he loves me, no human love can heal the complete void inside.  Relying on human love to fix the brokenness inside is like fixing a flower pot with Elmer’s glue and expecting it to weather the storms.  It may make the pot stay together for a little bit, but it will soon dissolve and be as broken as before.  Relying on human love may satisfy us for a while, but if it is our sole means of healing and feeling worth, we will find that it will come up short every time. 

6.  Do I feel loved just as I am—right now?

There is no doubt that I am loved by others.  Trying to get past my own brokenness and truly love myself is something all together different. 

Inspiration for “The Broken Woman”

1.  What does it mean to be formed by God?

To me this means that He took His time in creating me.  He had a vision in His head of who I would be and molded me specifically and perfectly to that image.  If He formed me that must mean I am not an accident; I have purpose.

2.   Knowing I am formed by God, how does that make me feel?

I’m going to be really honest with this.  It should make me feel great and worthy, but often it leaves me with questions like: Why did He form me with big hands and feet?  Why won’t my hair curl or wave?  Why do I have a big nose?  Why, why, why…I have many more.  And the ones I just gave are the surface questions.  I can’t explain or give a reason to these things, but  I know I was designed this way by God for a reason.  

3.  How does this knowledge affect the way I think about myself when I feel broken?

To be honest again, when I feel broken I often forget that I have been formed by God.  I forget that He has a purpose and plan for everything, even my faults.  As Anne says in Anne of Green Gables “I am in the depths of despair” and it seems like nothing can get me out.  This is why I need God so much more in my life.  I must rely on Him.  A better way of saying that is I must learn to rely on Him for everything.

4.  What do these words mean to me: “He who made you, who formed you in the womb” (Isa. 44:2 NIV)?

Like I said, this makes me feel there is a reason I have been made this way.  I have a purpose.  I am unique.  There is no one else who is me or can be me.  This thought has become a comfort to me since changing my name from the unique “Lisa Kahl” to the more common “Lisa Davis.”  It might seem trivial, but I know other Lisa Davises and in my brokenness I couldn’t get past it.  Yet, I’m slowly learning that I am the only one God has made this way and that I will always be unique for He has called me by name.  I am His (Isa. 43:1).

5.    In what ways do I believe God can bring healing to the broken places in my life?

I don’t like this question because I don’t know the mind of God.  I don’t know the things that He will decide to heal and the things that He will allow to stay.  Paul asked God to take away the thorn in His side and God never did.  The broken things in our lives help us create character and become the person God has created us to be (if you want a good book on this subject I’d recommend To Be Told by Dan Allender).  For His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses (2 Cor. 12:9), that means in our brokenness .  I believe, when my character is formed to His liking He will take away my thorns, I won’t care about them anymore, or He will use those things to help others in ways I wouldn't be able to do otherwise.