Watson

I started walking dogs almost a week ago for a pet resort that also houses rescue dogs for a local shelter.  I thought that walking dogs would give me a “fix” because I am missing my German Shepherd, Talitha, who is still in North Carolina a lot.  However, there was no “fix” and I decided I’d like to foster a dog for a few months while waiting for Talitha to come.  Here enters Watson, a mutt, who was rescued from a hoarder of over 100 dogs.  I decided to foster Watson, because in his condition no one would ever want to adopt him.  When I first met him I thought he had arthritis because he crouched down when he walked, that’s how scared he was.  Any noise freaks him out and any movement scares him half to death. 

I brought him home and decided to leave him in my court yard while I went to get his kennel out of the car.  There was only one problem.  I had left the gate open when I brought him into my house.  Watson bolted for the opening and before I knew it I was on a search to find him.  There were about three times I thought I’d get him or the few people that decided to help would.  But we were no match for him. 

Hours into the search I called Jordan and talking to him about everything.  In our conversation he just happened to say, “I can’t help but think that we aren’t doing something right.”  I asked what that could be since we are doing nightly devotions and praying together.  The more we talked the more I realized that though I had been praying while I was searching for Watson, it had been out of a panic and fear that wasn’t from the heart.  It was like when you don’t study for a test even though you knew you should have and right before the test you say a short prayer asking for help.  Realizing this huge mistake I asked Jordan if we could pray together.  Not even a minute into the prayer, I get another phone call.  It was the resort I got him from saying he came back there and the receptionist had been trying to get my number for hours.  It was such a relief.  Watson’s paws were bloodied from the traveling he had done, but he was ok.  Later Jordan mentioned it was as if God interrupted out prayer, like He was saying, “that’s all I needed from you.”  All He needed was for me to purely surrender, which is something really hard for me to do.  In other words I had to give everything up. 

God doesn’t need much from me, but He needs my heart.  I’m not quite sure the last time I’ve had a prayer answered so directly.  In fact, if I can be absolutely honest, it’s often hard for me to pray because I don’t see answers.  It’s easier for me to connect with God through reading scripture, but that’s not enough.  I don’t have to surrender a lot to read, though I’m often hit right in the heart.  I do have to surrender myself completely to build a relationship with God through prayer.  That’s kinda terrifying.  That means I’m no longer in control; I’m completely vulnerable.  I’m Watson. 

Who runs away from a home that offers food, shelter, toys, treats, love?  I do.  Who cowers in fear from the rescuer the one who desires to give love?  I do.  The spiritual sounds around me scare me, I shrink back in fear.  I often run from God instead of allowing Him to embrace me.  When He comes near, it’s too much.  I’d rather do things on my time still in fear of who is around me.  I’m curious of everything, especially God, but when He faces me, I retreat.  Why do I do that?  Why would I rather run back to what is comfortable than to stay in what is best.  And in my journey back I often find myself bloodied from my choice.  I am not worthy to have a second chance, but God gives it to me.  Though I hope not to have another repeat of my adventure with Watson, I find myself running away from God quite often. 

In the past few days I have seen a great change in my spiritual life.  I had thought I was doing enough, but I realize I have so much more growing to do.  I know that things are improving though.  How do I know this?  Watson peed inside for the first time this morning.  I knew I should have taken him out, but it was still dark.  But it’s not the fact that he peed in the house that I know that I’m doing things right, it’s the fact he started peeing while I was reading my Bible.  You know you’re on the right path when Satan tries to attack you during your time with God.  So instead of being upset with Watson, I am actually extremely happy.  I must simply be doing something right.  “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).

Creation

I've just started reading a book by one of my favorite authors, Dan Allender, called Sabbath.  I'm only in chapter 2 and he's already flipped my thinking upside down and brought up some very strong emotions from the past.  Which maybe at some point I'll write about, but have hardly told anyone because people would laugh at me and think I'm crazy.  We will see when I am brave enough.  This blog, however, is not about that it's about when did God stop creating.  I can remember back in 9th grade when I took a test in ancient history and one of the questions was "Which day did God finish creating?"  or something like that.  I asked the teacher if it was a trick question because God created things in 6 days, but there's the Bible mentions the 7th day as God resting, but that's not creating; right?  The teacher told me it was not a trick question so I circled 6 and got it right.  Now 9 years later, I realized I got that question wrong.  Genesis 2:2 states And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done."  It doesn't say that God was finished with His work so He rested, rather He "ended His work."  This may seem like a contradiction to the previous verse, "This the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished."  So what did God create?  The Bible is not exactly clear what God created, but if nothing else He created the seventh day and rest.  This work was not a physical work, but rather a spiritual one (27-28).  Allender translates the word "rest" as "delight".  So God delighted in His creation and thus we need to do the same.  Just as God worked to bring about His delight/rest in creation.  We need to work to find out delight/rest as well.  I want to end by a quote from Allender that really sums up is idea of work on the seventh day.  He writes, "In many ways, God's rest on the seventh day of creation is paralleled by the birthing process and teh period after birth, when the labor is finished yet the bonding begins" (28).  Bonding takes work, but it is a emotional/spiritual work rather than the physical work of labor.

Moving Forward

I've often wondered why God didn't allow Moses to cross the Jordan with the people.  I know that Moses didn't listen to Him in particular circumstances, but we all do that from time to time and still are able to reap God's blessings.  David is a perfect example of that because he would have been killed for committing adultery, brought back to life just to be killed again for murder.  But even though he was found out and guilty, God had mercy on him.  So why is Moses any different?  After all he was the intermediary between God and the people.

I'm my Deuteronomy reading today, I read this, "And he [Moses] said to them; 'I am one hundred and twenty years old today, I can no longer go out and com in.  Also the Lord has said to me, "You shall not cross over this Jordan." The Lord your God Himself crosses over before you...Joshua himself crosses over before you, just as the Lord has said...Be strong and of good courage...for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you.  He will not leave you nor forsake you'" (31:2-3,6).  I think God wouldn't let Moses go because He wanted to make sure they followed Him, though later it shows that He already knew they'd turn away.  God was ready to establish a true relationship with His people in the land He promised them.  He wanted to turn their focus away from the person they had been following and realize God was their leader.  In this passage Moses puts a lot of emphasis on the name of God for this reason.  He wanted to reassure the people that God is God and he was just a man who God was using.  Even more than that though, he wanted to reassure them that even though he was leaving, God would set up someone to go before them and guide them.  Joshua this man.  Emphasis is placed on Joshua's name too.  God wasn't going to make the people go alone, He had another leader planned, but this leader was new and would make the people feel more vulnerable going into the promise land.  The people needed to learn how to trust.  After their years of wondering in the desert, they still hadn't mastered this.  They still complained, which was what got Moses into trouble.  This would be the people's final test.  They were now about to enter hardship and they knew it.  Was God actually going to be there for them?  Should they follow Joshua? Was this even good enough for them?  They must have had questions, but they decided to trust.  How often do I trust even when I'm guided?  Honestly, not very often.

I'll end by pointing out that Moses encourages the people by focusing on the positives.  "Be strong and of good courage.  You know why?  Because God, He is with you.  Not me, I'm only human and will die soon, but God, He is eternal and will never leave you nor will He forsake you."

Alleluia.

Seven Times

"Do not lie in wait, O wicked man, against the dwellings of the righteous, do not plunder his resting place; for a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity."  -Proverbs 24:15-16

As I read these verses in my Quiet Time today, I was drawn to "a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again..." My first thought was, Amen, story of my life summed up in a verse.  My next thought was, Well, what happens on the eighth time and how close am I to eight?  I feel like I keep getting knocked down and each time it gets a little harder and longer to get back up.  Sometimes I feel like a baby giraffe and God is the momma.  I feel like He keeps kicking me down so that I can stand up, just to get kicked down again.  But for this example to work, I need to let it play all the way out.  The momma giraffe has to do that to build the baby's leg muscles because there's a lot of predators in the safari, likewise there are many predators at work in my life (i.e. the devil and all of his followers).  They'd want nothing more than to devour me.  Yet, I will work my best to stand strong against them.  Another funny thing about the wilderness is that often you are told, when confronted with a predator, you should make yourself bigger or in some way stand up to it; the worst thing for you to do is to run away from it.  This is because predators are often faster and have more endurance than we do.  Likewise it is better for us to stand up against the temptations placed in front of us, which are only there to destroy us, rather than to run from them and run from the Truth that gives us the strength to fight.  Standing against Satan and the temptations he's placed in front of us makes us stronger and gives us power through Christ.  For Christ's strength is made perfect in our weakness, in our vulnerability.

As I read the Proverb's verses again as I wrote them in my journal, the thought occurred to me, what if 'seven times' does not mean seven times at all, but rather 'every day'?  Even if the righteous were to fall every day, he will be able to rise again.  This is because of the strength God has given us, which is made perfect in our weakness.  The wicked do not have this strength and will not be able to get up in the day of calamity.  Lord, even if I fall every day, let me rise again; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

When Plans Fail

Have you ever mourned because you thought everything was over?  Have you ever thought that things could not get any worse?  I know I have and so did the Prophet Samuel.  In my Quiet Time yesterday I was reading from 1 Samuel 16 and the first verse reminded me that my ways are not God’s ways.  The verse said, “Then the Lord said to Samuel, ‘How long will you mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel?  Fill your horn with oil, and go; I am sending you to Jesse the Bethlehemite.  For I have provided Myself a king among his sons.’”  I know sometimes I have trouble because I feel God has called me to something, just to have it all not work out.   Samuel must have been devastated, but God was still in charge and had a plan.  I mourn for things in the past, how things didn’t go right, questioning God in the process.  However, God has better things in store for us.  He has allowed us to go through the ‘God forsaken’ times all the while leading us to the purpose of His plan.  Obviously Samuel did not see David coming, everything about David was wrong to Samuel, yet David became the best King Israel has ever had. 

I need to remember this story especially now with everything I have gone through and going through.  God has a plan, better than the one I have.  His ways are not my ways, and though it would have been easier if Saul could have just been the one or for God to have just waited for David, God had to teach Israel something.  He had to prepare them.  What is God preparing me for? 

Also, I need to remember that God paraded each of Jesse’s sons in front of Samuel and each time Samuel thought that son was ‘the one,’ but he wasn’t.  I know I often have the same feelings about things that happen in life.  I think whatever is in front of me is the best possible solution for the problem I am, but God has different plans.  God told Samuel, “For the Lord does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (16:7).  Even though God said this about the sons of Jesse, I think this applies to what I’m going through as well.  God sees the heart of matter, and He may parade opportunity after opportunity right in front of my face, however, I must wait upon Him.  The package may not be pretty and I may have preferred one of the others, however, God knows best.  His ways are perfect, even when the situation is not. 

David was not perfect and I cannot expect for the situations God places me in to be perfect either, however, David is still to be called a man after God’s own heart.  And even though my situations may not be perfect, they may still be what God has called me too.  I just need to be patient and see who/what God brings before me. 

So what I can learn from this is that when I feel God is leading me one way and then everything seems to mess up, it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t from God or that I was wrong, but rather that He is preparing me for something better and I just need to patient.  It’s so easy for me to resort to Samuel’s state of mind and mourn and then think that every opportunity that comes by is the right one.  But I need to remember to get up and go and see what God has in store for me next.

The fight for music

I was doing some reading for my independent study when a chapter on music and the church came up.  I knew where the author was going with the chapter based on other things she had already said in the book.  Though this is not a complete expression of my views, I just wanted to share some of what I wrote because I think it's an important issue for the church.  I am not a "traditionalist" or a "contemporaryist" when it comes to music in the church.  I do enjoy hymns because they do seem to go deeper to me and where I am in my faith journey I need depth.  However, I have sung contemporary music that I view as deep.  One thing I do not like about "Praise and Worship" music in the church is that it is "feeling" based and ends when the leaders "feel" it should.  Often I don't "feel" what the leaders or everyone around me seems to "feel."  However, there are exceptions.  There are contemporary songs that I feel capture worship perfectly and hymns that I refuse to sings because I don’t agree with the message they put forth.  Part of my problem with singing in general is that  I am partly tone deaf and singing is hard for me. My grandfather was tone deaf and I received some of that inability.  

Anyways, for me music is art, not matter what the form of music is.  You would not expect a 5 year old to paint the Mona Lisa; likewise, you cannot expect a new Christian who does not know music to be able to sing hymns that are not familiar to what they already know.  The author I was reading seems to paint a picture that traditional music lines up with scripture better than contemporary worship forms.  And though I like hymns for the history and the deepness of meaning, I very much disagree with her in this chapter.  Because I think music is a God given talent and God gives us each different talents, I think that different styles of music only enriches what God has given people.  We even see many different styles of worship in the Bible, particularly by David through the Psalms.  Psalm 66:1 says, “Shout joyfully to God, all the earth.”  According to Strong’s Hebrew Dictionary, to “Shout joyfully” means “to split the ears (with sound).”  How many hymns do that?  In my previous entries I wrote on the book, I have agreed with her that worship should make God the subject and object or worship.  I still agree with her, yet, if we look through Psalm, we see many times where David says that he will seek God.  According to Dawn that would turn worship onto David.  Does this mean we throw out Psalm?  Of course not!  Another instance of an “unorthodox” style of worship was when David danced naked in the streets.  I do not agree this should be done in church, and his wife didn’t think it was appropriate either, but David felt the need to express himself to God in that way.  there are other instances of David dancing that would hold to my moral standard better.  Likewise if people feel the need to express their love to God by using forms of worship such as a contemporary worship style, that is fine to me.  I know this leaves things open to be misinterpreted and taken to the extreme in ways other than music.  My thoughts are as long as your worship expresses yourself in a way that is still scripturally bound in morality and Truth, I see no problem with it.  Also, look at the dedication of the temple and how many musicians were there playing for God.  It would have been crazy!!! In my archaeology class this year we talked about a new form of archaeology that studies sound in worship settings in ancient times.  It is fascinating to see walls were constructed to that the sound literally vibrated through the people and surrounded them.  We do not see this in our construction of churches today.  So what is to say that one tradition is right over another if we are not worshiping the way they did thousands of years ago?  This does not mean I think we need to go back to sacrifices because I believe Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice and paid my debt that animal sacrifices of the past tried to pay for.  I am simply stating that we should worship God through the gifts that He is given us.  If that is through the use of guitars, drums, keyboards, or even if God has given you the talent of "screaming" (shout out to Jordan), you are free to use your gifts to glorify the one who gave them to you.  Why should the devil have all the good music?  He did not create music, our talents, or passions; God did.  So why do we limit the Creator?  Like I said earlier, I love hymns and even prefer them, but I just do not agree with limiting others.  The truth is, every song has a beginning and must have started somewhere and music styles are the same way.  They all have a beginning, so why not accept a new beginning?  Besides like I learned my freshman year of high school (not college) saying something is right because it is old is a fallacy.  So worship God in the way you see best, as long as you abide in it with integrity (as I have written about in an earlier blog).  

"Shout joyfully to God, all the earth; Sing the glory of His name; Make His praise glorious."  

Shadow

The Bible I read in my Quiet Time doesn't have cross references.  Sometimes it's annoying because I like knowing where different passages are that relate to a verse I'm reading.  However, most of the time I really enjoy it because I get to make my own cross references in the margins.  It allows me to get to know my Bible in a different way than I ever have before.  Sometimes, like today, I'll read a passage and it reminds me of another passage and I have to flip through my Bible until I find the passage that I was looking for.  As I was flipping through Psalm today, I ran across a very well known Psalm, Psalm 23.  This beautiful Psalm starts off, "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want..."  This chapter has been used for many different occasions and in different settings.  I used to not think that much of it actually and thought at times it was over rated, but then my grandfather died.  A little while before his death my grandfather gave my dad his Bible.  They both were pastors and it seemed right to my grandfather that my dad receive his Bible.  As my dad flipped through it after my grandfather's death, he came across a note my grandfather had written in the margin referring to verse 4, which says, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."  In the margin of his Bible, my grandfather wrote something to the affect of, "There must be light to create a shadow."  Light.  If there is light then there is hope.  The light may seem far off, but it is there to guide you and give you hope.  You may not even be in the "shadow of death" like David was, but you may have another shadow or a few.  I know I do.  Currently I'm in the valley of the shadow of school and graduation.  You may be in the valley of the shadow of work, family, school, relationships...BUT there is and will always be light shining as it creates your shadow.  With light comes hope and light will always penetrate the darkness.  Don't be discouraged when you are walking in the valley, because there is always hope for we know the source of the light.

Where Is Your Faith?

I have to be totally honest, sometimes it's hard for me to read the Gospels.  Sometimes when I read in them I knock my tongue at the top of my mouth, which creates a clicking noise, and I kinda move my head back and forth as if to say, "Is there anything new here...I guess not."  Other times when I read it's like, "Oh where did that happen?" and I'll look for it on a map or do a little looking into the place that the story took place.  And though it's bad that I do all of this, you really can't blame me, I have heard and/or read all of the stories in them about a million times.  I know that's no excuse, but I want something new, something exciting.  I want to make that big theological/historical/significant discovery that makes everything make sense to everyone and changes the world.  I have high ambitions, I know, and I guess I'm a bit self-centered or self-absorbed, but I just love diving into the Word.  So when I sat down to do my Quiet Time, I honestly didn't think I would get much out of a couple of the chapters I was going to read, mainly the passages from Leviticus, and Luke (which is why I read from several different books of the Bible in my devotions time).  When I finally got to my Luke passage though, it didn't seem like anything different.  I wasn't clicking or moving my head back and forth, but I wasn't as engaged as I was reading about the ark being taken away by the Philistines or my Proverb of the day, which made me chuckle a little.  Like I've said, I've heard and/or read all of these stories a million times.  Anyways, I was reading Luke 8, which has a lot of stories I've heard before: the women minister to Jesus, the parable of the sower and its purpose, the purpose of parables in general, the parable of the revealed light, Jesus' mother and brothers come, the wind and waves obeying Jesus, the man with the demon Legion in him, and the story of Jairus' daughter and the women with the bleeding healed.  All of which are pretty popular stories, but one in particular spoke to me today.  The funny thing is, it's probably the most popular, or at least in the top three most popular, pericope in this chapter.  I'm talking about the story of Jesus calming the wind and waves.

Most of the time I read this story and think "Oh disciples, how stupid are you really?  Jesus, the Messiah, God Incarnate was in the boat with you!  He's done all of these other things for you and in front of you for others and He's always provided and you think now you're going to die.  You really think this was the plan God had for Jesus and would let you die like this?"  And as I was going along, starting to have these thoughts cross into my head once again, I get to verse 25 when Jesus says, "Where is your faith?"  And things changed a little.  I didn't read it as "Where, Oh ye disciples, is you your faith?"  Instead I read, "Where, Lisa, is your faith?  Where is your faith when the storm's around you?  Because I'm still with you.  I haven't left the boat of your life.  Yeah, I know it's rough and the waves are dragging you under, but where is your faith?"  This story looks completely different when I realize I am the disciples in this story.  I often cry out, "Lord, I'm perishing...  Look how frail I am.  I haven't gotten much sleep lately, I haven't eaten well lately either, I have a test coming up and projects all over the place, and if I do one more thing, Lord, I'm going to die.  Please don't let me drown."  Now, I hear Him saying to me, "Lisa, where is your faith?"  And I should have faith; I know how the story ends, I've heard this story a million times, His disciples, they didn't know how the story would end.  So now, I'll turn this around and ask you: Where is your faith when life gets rough?  I hope it's in Christ.

Sin, Grace, Freedom, Integrity

Tuesday I went to a conference in which the speaker talked about four different markers of a Christian.  Since going to that conference I have been doing a lot of thinking about this topic.  I have come to the conclusion that I don't think there are just 4 markers of being a Christian.  Yes, love, being good, having wisdom, and being free are all things that mark the life of a Christian, but what about everything else that encompasses being a Christian?  What about standing up for truth?  What about the fact that any marker of being a Christian means nothing without the truth?  I didn't agree with the speakers perception of freedom, or goodness for that matter, but I would like to concentrate on Christian Freedom for now. I felt the speaker either ran out of time or was himself confused .  Either way, I feel that talking to a group of college aged kids and not being explicit about the nature of Christian Freedom is unwise.   In talking with my classmates the following day, I mentioned the fact that he left freedom so open ended.  One explanation from a classmate was that he thought it was the speaker's way of making us think.  I'm all about thinking, that's part of the reason I started this blog, but I don't think you should leave a topic such as freedom open ended for college age students, or any age for that matter, to interpret any way they want because most of the time college students want excuses to do what they want. Plus if Truth is (as it should be) the goal, you shouldn't leave something as broad as freedom open for people to possibly use to make excuses.  With that being said, I'm going to get started on what I think are the fundamentals of Christianity.  These aren't markers that show the character of being a Christian, but it's my understanding of what it means to be a Christian.  And it's my belief that if you accept this then your life will directly reflect it because your heart cannot help but be changed.  These will be manifested in your actions and interactions with others as you strive to follow Christ.  This may seem to be an "obvious" post.  That's because it is, but it's something that I have been thinking about a lot lately.

First of all sin is a factor in everyone's life, "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3: 23).  Sin is not something even the "best" Christian can escape.  It's the reason that Christ had to come to earth and die.  It's what keeps us from having a perfect relationship with God.  Before sin came into the world God walked and talked with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.  After sin came into the world we, both God and Humanity, began the struggle to restore that relationship.  We do what we can, which is the best we can, but it's still not perfect.  But God's plan is.  Even though sin plagues us it doesn't mean there isn't hope.  Hope came with Christ through grace, according to God's plan of Salvation.  For we are saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:18).  Grace is a gift.  You can never be good enough, wise enough, or love others enough for it to be earned.  Grace merely takes believing in the Truth and relying on your faith.  With grace comes ultimate forgiveness.  While this is simple, that is relatively uncomplicated as God has explained it to us, it is not easy.  Given that we are human, believing in the Truth and relying on Faith takes work.  The comfort comes from knowing that there is nothing we can do to separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).  And since we all have sinned we are "justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus" (Romans 3:24).  No matter what we do or what we've done, God will always love us and forgive us.  Through grace we are forgiven and become free; sin no longer has a hold on us.  However, we should not let ourselves get the wrong idea about the nature of this interaction between God and His creation.  It may seem logical given the fact that 1. we all sin and fall short of the glory of God and we will continue to sin in our imperfect state we are in 2. because of grace we are forgiven no matter what we've done or do and 3. because of this grace we are free, then we should also be free to do whatever we want because God will forgive us because of His grace.  But as Paul writes, "What shall we say then?  Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound [be given freely] Certainly not!" (Romans 6:1-2a).  This leads me to my last point, integrity.  This invited the question "how are we living out our freedom?"  Paul also writes in Galatians "For you, brethren, have been called to liberty [freedom]; only do not use liberty [freedom] as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another" (5:13).  This means that we should not use our freedom to "take advantage" of Gods grace that He has bestowed on us.  Integrity says that if we truly LOVE God then we wouldn't want to take advantage of His grace.  Integrity wants to live a life that says yes I know I am a sinner, but my sin is the reason for Christ's pain and suffering.  From that suffering I have been given Victory over sin, not the freedom to keep on sinning.  Would I torture and continue torturing a person I love?  NO! So then why would I want to continue to do this to the God I love?  Is it because I can't see Him?  If He's not right in front of me, then can I do whatever I want and forget about it because I'm free?  NO!  Integrity doesn't allow me to do this.  Integrity says, yes I can't see Him, but I have faith that He is real and I believe in the sacrifice of His Son, so I wont seek out pleasures of the flesh that I know to be sins.  This doesn't mean I can't have fun, rather I'm not going to seek out something that will make my God suffer.  Integrity must be an essential part of freedom.  We must also remember that grace and freedom did not come without a price.  Christ had to die so that I can live.  And now what do I do to show my gratitude?  Do I continue to take advantage of God's grace, ignore my sin as sin and turn away from God, or fall on my face like David did in Psalm 51 genuinely asking for  forgiveness.  Ultimately when I stand in front of God I want Him to say, "Well done my good and faithful servant."  I don't want to hear "Depart from Me, I never knew you."  In examining these things during the past few weeks, I've realized the importance of living a life of integrity in Christ's freedom through grace.  After all, that is my part in God's perfect plan.

Ash Wednesday

Obviously it is no longer Ash Wednesday, but since I did not get a chance to write yesterday, I thought I would now.  Ash Wednesday is a day to remember our sins and remind us how much we need a Savior.  It marks the beginning of the season of Lent (40 days excluding Sundays).  With that little bit of background I thought it was fitting that my verse of the night, which was actually Wednesday morning (12:08 am) was from Lamentations.  However, it was hopeful verses.  It said:

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.  'The Lord is my portion' says my soul, 'therefore I hope in Him.'" (3:22-24)

These verses remind me that though this is a time for me to remember my sins that caused Jesus to die, there is still hope.  Though I do not deserve His compassion, because He is merciful I will not get the punishment I deserve.  And as I observe this season of remorse and guilt, remembering my sins and shame, and giving up things that I value too much, I will be mindful of the fact that this is not the end of the story.  Jesus rose from the dead three days after being crucified for MY sins.  But even that is not the end, because there is no ending to this story.  And I remember that "His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning."  And my soul shall say, in this time of the year designated to repentance, "The Lord is my portion...therefore I hope in Him."

What CAN I Give?

With Ash Wednesday being tomorrow, I asked myself: what should I give up this year?  Two years ago I had given up sugar with only exception of natural sugar like in fruits.  I did the same thing last year, but cheated when I drove home for spring break because I needed soda.  Then it all went down hill from there.  This year I wanted to be different.  I have had a lot of distractions and so I do want to "Give up" to make more time for God.  So, now more than ever, I will give up sugar again and I am having Jordan change the password to my facebook account not so that I don't get on it for 40 days, but so that I don't get on it excessively for 40 days.  But as I was thinking about what all I could give up I started to think of what I can give.  This is the time that we remember that God gave us His Son to die for us.  And in saying this I'd love to be able to put aside money every day or with every thought, but right now I am completely broke in every sense of the word.  So I kept thinking about what I have a lot of.  One thing that came to mind is that I have a lot of is opinions.  This blog then is the root of all of that.  It will be a mixture of a lot of things, but most importantly it will be about what God is doing in my life.  Have fun reading, ask questions and post what God is doing in your life.