Unseen footprints

It has been a long couple of weeks for me and I have had a lot on my mind.  The three of us have had all sorts of ailments that has caused some stress, each in it's own way.  Then there is my thesis that needs to get finished, but going a couple of hours away, staying a few days, and going to a major university's library with a toddler is overwhelming.  Kaia is also growing up so quickly.  She's nearly a year and a half.  Though I enjoy playing with her, I think it's about time to start thinking about growing our family.  But it's not as simple as deciding whether or not to get pregnant.  Since I was 16 and went on my first trip to Thailand I have wanted to adopt from there.  Adopting seems like it could be put on the back burner for now, except Thailand has some pretty strict rules for adopting, like they only want up to one child in the adopters' house at the time of adoption.  There are some exceptions to the rule, but I'd like not to push it.  It also takes a few years to adopt and I don't want Kaia to get too used to being an only child while we are going through the process.  And there are grant requests, fundraising, home studies, etc. that go into adopting.  But we are eligible to start next month when Kaia is a year and a half, so it is time to start thinking about growing our family.  Jordan's school has just begun again.  Once again he's got a lot on his plate between working at a church and going to school, so I want to make sure that I'm being as helpful as I can, but sometimes mom exhaustion sets in.

This just seems like the cap of everything that I have been thinking about lately and it is overwhelming.  Sleeping hasn't been coming easily to me most nights.  I'm trying to search for God's will and I have mixed thoughts.  It seems like one moment I feel one thing and then the next I feel something else.  So how will I know?  I feel like I'm sinking into the mire.  But this is not the end.

Jordan took Kaia with him to do visitations this afternoon along with the diaper bag.  In the diaper bag is my Bible.  So instead of continuing my readings I decided to turn to a random Psalm and read it.  The Psalm I turned to was Paslm 77.  This Psalm is about finding comfort by recalling the mighty things that God has done in Israel's history.  This whole Psalm was packed with comfort, but one verse in particular stuck out to me.

"Your way went through the sea, and Your path through the great waters, but Your footprints were unseen." (Psalm 77:19)

I feel like what I'm going through, or perhaps even just entered, are great waters, but when I think about the fact that God literally moved these for Israel, I know that He is working in my life.  His footprints maybe unseen, but He is working and moving.  It's all a matter of perspective.  My prayer for today is that I stop looking at the ground for God's footprints, but rather look up and see the waters that He is moving around me.